Melissa Chapman's Parenting Blog

Thanksgiving Can Still Be Enjoyed By A Non-Cook Like Me!

I'm not a big fan of Thanksgiving mainly because my soul has never been partial to dicing, mixing, baking and cooking anything. My microwave is one of the appliances held most near and dear to my heart, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've attempted and failed miserably to cook a pot of pasta. After one too many inedible meatloaves and casseroles, my husband and I decided it was high time to divvy up the duties.

He's the cook and I'm the cleaner. Yes, like Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction, I come in after he's created his foodie masterpiece--because the man cannot wash a dish to save his freaking life--and do the pots, pans, dishes, and counters.

Of course, I do believe that my husband is quite capable of washing a dish without leaving a greasy residue, but like me when it comes to cooking, his heart just isn't in it. He doesn't derive the pure joy I do from getting something sparkling and streak- and grease-free. Well that's not entirely true the way I see it, if I had to cook, I'd still have to clean, because my husband and I have diametrically opposite views of what constitutes cleanliness. If I let him take the helm, we'd be living in a crumb-infested house with bed sheets that were washed annually.

Still, Thanksgiving, luckily for me is about so much more than just the fixings—right?! There's that whole gratitude element to it, which I am determined to drive home to my 8- and 4-year-old. A non-preachy, interactive way to integrate the gratitude aspect into your feast-care of Cathy Riva is to create a gratitude bucket. Basically you can give your kids any ole bucket to which they can add their own unique crafting skills and hot glue on some leaves and pictures of turkeys, etc. Then ask the kids to go around and have every adult write what they are grateful for on a piece of paper and place it in the bucket and have the kids do this too. Afterward you can go around the table and ask everyone to pull a piece of paper out of the bucket to read aloud. In my opinion—definitely better than fielding questions from nosy distant relatives whose once-yearly visit can often times make you wish Thanksgiving were celebrated only during leap years!

And then of course there's the matter of BLACK FRIDAY, and if like me you're not all that keen on heading out with the swarming crowds, feeling a bit um, claustrophobic, but still hungry for deals there's a pretty fabulous referral-based private sale shopping experience dedicated to the savvy mom and mom-to-be, TOTSY. By invitation only and free of charge, TOTSY provides everything from strollers and car seats to maternity fashions and nursery furniture – at sample sale prices (40% to 70% off SRP.) And… drumroll please… WCBSTV.com blog readers can enter the exclusive WCBSTV invitation code to gain instant access to TOTSY.com! However, if you're willing to brave the masses, there's a brand-spankin new AJ Wright store at 2201 Nostrand Avenue, the first to open in NYC which, after having been given the royal tour – is stocked full of DIRT cheap eclectic clothing, housewares, gifts and pretty much everything but the kitchen sink and is gearing up for a HUGE Black Friday shop-a-thon!

And for some fabulous NYC activities to get you in the Thanksgiving spirit hope check out my Kids in the City column and blog for a few of my favorites.

So what are you eating this year- Turkey or Tofurkey?! E-mail me!

Getting Lost For Two Hours Can Be A Good Thing For A Marriage

All those "things" you hear about having kids and how it irrevocably changes your relationship with your spouse, well they're not just urban legend fodder. Speaking from experience (I'll be celebrating 11 years of nearly wedded bliss this December), once you pop out that first kid, it changes everything!

Sure all the stereotypical things shift in your relationship, like your pre-kid Sunday mornings. Those lazy Sunday mornings; canoodling with my honey, brunching on mimosas beginning at 10 a.m., and reading the NY Times cover to cover (OK who am I fooling the only sections I ever read were Sunday styles and The City), and then casually saying, "Babe, let's check out that flea market or new exhibit at the MOMA today!"

Those come to a SCREECHING halt.

Once my kids came on the scene, Sunday mornings quickly morphed into attempting not to get kicked off my queen-sized bed which is filled with more fingers and toes than I'd care to mention. And at 6 a.m. Barney the purple dinosaur's voice is more often than not blaring from the television screen, as my son hums along poking me with his finger, asking me, "Is it morning yet? Can you feed me breakfast? Can we go to Fun Station? Can you buy me this toy? Can you read me a book?"

So of course when a wonderful fellow mom and writer Jen Singer, who also happens to be a cancer warrior, invited me to her Kiss Cancer Goodbye fundraiser in New Jersey, I was giddy with the thought of getting all gussied up for a night out with my man, one that didn't include eating pizza and entertaining our kiddos.

There we were freshly scrubbed clean in our evening gear—which needed to be dusted off just a bit being that it was buried so far back in the closet. And so, we drop the kids off at their grandparents and set out from Staten Island to Kinnelon, NJ (I know never heard of it either!). Unfortunately my husband doesn't BELIEVE that a GPS is another gadget we need to acquire so we decided to do it old school and GOOGLE the directions.

To say we got LOST would be an understatement. We basically drove around in circles in the back roads of NJ where the only lights on those teeny-tiny roads are the headlights from one's car. After stopping at countless gas stations, asking fellow drivers and even getting a sweet gentleman to plug our destination into his GPS—yes there are people like that who still DO exist- we just couldn't seem to get to this restaurant. Rather we hurled insults and barbs at one other until finally we gave up, turned around and decided to go home.

The car ride back was filled with tense, deafening silence until realizing the inherent humor of the situation: us two Staten Islanders getting completely and utterly lost in our sister state of NJ we slowly began to laugh. I had one of those AHA, light bulb moments and figured since we were kid-free for the night, we might as well take advantage of it.

And my husband did something extraordinary; no he didn't launch into a soliloquy about his undying devotion to me or pop out a glittering Harry Winston necklace. No, he simply took my hand, and just held it. And the silence no longer seemed deafening; in fact, in that moment we were together just being, even if that meant just sitting in a car stealing kisses(yeah, it felt reminiscent of those first initial car rides we took, when quite frankly we were in that blissful state of euphoric love, you know the kind when you simply can't keep your hands off one another) and talking about something other than, "Did you fix the leaky toilet, pay the electric bill or brush the kids teeth?"

Thinking it might be a good thing to get LOST more often.

Yes, I'm a sucker for a beautiful basket filled with chocolate

OK - let me preface this post by saying this: I am not one of those moms who relishes expensive, four-star hotel stays away from my kids, on fluffy down feather-filled pillows and a remote to call my own. Why? Mainly because I know upon my return, the laundry heap will be that much higher, my daughter's red curls will be impossible to get a comb through, and well there will be crumbs and wet towels EVERYWHERE. So as a blogger, when offered magnificent trips away from the kiddies I usually respectfully, and oh so sadly, decline anticipating the cleanup upon my return.

However when 1-800-Flowers called and offered to whisk me away for the day to Chicago to check out their brand-spankin new partnership with DesignPac a company steeped in the gift basket business, well I really couldn't decline. Why, you ask? Well, for starters I wouldn't have to sleep away, which means- I could keep up with the regular routine and basically not miss a beat, except of course spoon feeding my son his Cheerios in the morning, but figured my husband was up to that task. And I agreed because I'm a 1-800-Flowers loyalist from way back in the day, since I sent my very first flower bouquet at age 17 to my mom on Mother's Day, I've been hooked on their service and literally use it for every and any possible occasion I can think of to send someone flowers and a cute keepsake.

So along with one of my most favorite bloggers-in-crime, NYCity Mama, I boarded a 7 a.m. flight to Chicago, via LaGuardia, to meet the 1-800-Flowers team and learn all about their new venture, 1-800-Baskets. All I have to say is the McCann brothers, who've been in the biz for over thirty years which they founded in NYC, have left no stone unturned. Along with their partner DesignPac, they're now offering these luscious, incredibly detailed and chock full of rich gourmet hand-picked—really hand picked cheeses (so many wonderful back stories—with many cheese from women- owned farms), chocolates (I had no idea there were so many degrees and varieties of the sweet stuff), wines, breads and candies in meticulously wrapped and decorated gift baskets and boxes. The team at DesignPac literally combs through thousands of products, to develop and hone each gift basket and customize it for almost any occasion.

I was there for a full day where I toured the warehouse, stuffed myself with every sample they put in front of me, in the name of research, met with the designers, food specialists and almost every member of the 1-800-Basket team to get a real sense of just what goes into creating the perfect gift basket/box. I even got to design my very own down to the cranberry and gold ribbon. And while these gift baskets may not cure the swine flu crisis or solve the raging war in Afghanistan (although it wouldn't hurt to send a few of these over to our brave soldiers in the armed forces) they will definitely get you off the hook with just about anyone who receives them, which of course can't possibly be a bad thing!

Mom's On The Run, Listen Up!

I don't think any of us are ever truly prepared for the awesome scope of motherhood. And I'm not just talking about the lack of sleep, all diapers all the time and baby-proofing mania you experience during those early years. (Actually all that is a cakewalk compared to when your kids actually begin to develop their own little personalities and… opinions.) In fact, being completely tongue-tied by questions from my very inquisitive 8-year-old, like, "Mommy do you think I'll get cancer?" has me wistful for those early months when the biggest dilemma I faced was whether I'd feed her rice or oatmeal baby food cereal.

So of course when I was asked to contribute an essay to the brand new book, "See Mom Run" by the author, Beth Feldman (aka Role Mommy), I had a laundry-list full of anecdotes percolating in my head. Every day is an adventure or misadventure with my kiddies; like my son's newfound parroting abilities, and desire to embarrass me in public with his quite vocal random blurts of "Dammit, Jesus Christ" while we're waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, where more often than not there's a silver-haired old lady casting disapproving glances my way, the mom to this foul mouthed 4-year-old.

In the book See Mom Run: Side-splitting Essays from the World's Most Harried Blogging Moms, along with some of my favorite mom writers and bloggers, I wax about getting my first parenting column gig at The Staten Island Advance after a long stint as a stay-at-home mom. Like so many of the pee-in-your pants anecdotes in the book, my essay shines a bright spotlight on my determination to channel my mommy brain mush into coherent and relatable situations NYC parents could imagine themselves in. Reading through the book, which features a cross section of mom contributors, has taught me more than anything that us moms share more commonalities than differences. We're all mired in second guessing ourselves, tripping over legos, knee-deep in time-outs, snarky teenagers, exploding diapers, projectile vomit, and trying to find the silver lining in juggling it all.

See Mom Run is headed out on a book tour where some of its moms contributors, including yours truly, will be hitting a host of fabulous cities including some great local spots in the tri-state area! Here's to cherishing your mommy moments and finding the humor and light in the most unlikely of places... hope to see you there!

It’s HALLOWEEN in the City.. give your kids a spooktacular experience!

Sure my kids have mouths filled with cavities — apparently a genetic thing which my dentist has continually assured me, as he hands me his bill that could feed a small country for a month — but when Halloween rolls around the ban on jellybeans, licorice and Swedish Fish is lifted and my kids are allowed to shovel down as much junk as their bellies can handle.

Truth is, after a few nibbles, the candy bags are put away for "safe-keeping," (aka given to families who don't need to refinance the mortgages on their homes to pay for their kids' dental bills.)

But aside from all the chocolate and cookies, Halloween is about suspending our daily grind and reality, shedding our real-world personas and immersing ourselves in fangtastic, booriffic, spooktacular FANTASY!! And heck I am the first one to jump on that bandwagon, probably even more so than my kids who both gave me a cockeyed, quizzical look as I waxed poetically about my costume plans for this year's trick or treating jaunt around the neighborhood!

While my 4-year-old eventually got on board with my plans, and has already provided me with his strong opinions on how to get my witch costume just right-, while my 8-year-old is starting to display just a bit of that "Mom don't embarrass me!" attitude.

Either way I'm dressing up in all black — not much of a stretch for me —and putting on some green makeup and a long black wig and heading out with the kids on October 31st to get our candy on!

If you're looking for some spooktacular products and treats to indulge in this Halloween here are just a few of my favorites! 

Scholastic Storybook Treasures offers a brand new collection of not-so-spooky tales for Halloween with A very brave witch…and more great Halloween stories for kids. In the lead story, adapted from the New York Times best-selling book by Alison McGee, and narrated by Elle Fanning, a little witch decides she'd finally like to see what Halloween is all about, even though she is deathly afraid of humans. As soon as she makes a new friend, she discovers how much fun trick-or-treating with humans can be. The DVD also includes seven other beautifully narrated and animated tales.



No tricks behind this treat! Halloween is creeping up fast and instead of indulging in yet another sugarcoated holiday, re-think that go-to bag of fun-sized candy bars. KIND Snacks is a brand of delicious, all-natural fruit and nut energy/nutrition bars made with wholesome ingredients you can see and pronounce. The organic and gluten-free KIND bar varieties drizzled with yogurt and chocolate are sure to put a smile on little trick or treaters faces! 

Byers' Choice just introduced a haunted, lighted gingerbread house that is definitely not too scary for young children. Typically you'd think of gingerbread as a Christmas item, but this spooky gingerbread house features rickety windows and "icing" cobwebs.

Hallmark's got some pretty decorations to give your house some spooktacular ambience! Their "Spooky Greetings Treat Chest", features two lenticular eyes that appear to be watching trick-or-treaters and when you open the lid, four spooky voices invite you to take a piece of candy. Their "Spider Candy Bowl" is a ghoulish accent piece to display candy around the house, and their "Bug Out Candy Keeper" has two openings, one holds a buggy trick – a bug pops out – and the other holds candy.

Pick up some personalized Halloween decorations at Shindigz, which offers over 30 new Halloween Vinyl Banner designs and campy fare like; a Haunted Garage Kit, Create-A-Tombstone, and numerous costumes starting as low as $5.99.

Cozy up on the couch and read some spine-tingling Halloween tales from Tricycle Press. Some of their not too scary Halloween tales include Inside the Slidy Diner, a creepy/yet fun story about a young girl who lives in a diner that has strange happenings and characters; Twelve Terrible Things which highlights — in a humorous way — childhood fears kids and adults can relate to; and The Book That Eats People, a fabulous new picture book about just that. It's a frighteningly fun book that is perfect for a Halloween round-up. 

Vermont Nut-Free Chocolates are handmade, gourmet candies which provide children with peanut and tree nut allergies a way to safely enjoy Halloween treats. For parents who want to give their little goblins a yummy treat, the company has bags of chocolate pumpkins festive haunted houses and bags of witches and bats to choose from and can shipped anywhere in the world.

Now go Have a Fangtastic holiday!!

Why I love my dog as much as my two-legged kids!

I know this is a parenting blog which means it should be rife with jabber about poopy diapers, teaching my kids that it is impolite to sit at a restaurant and proceed to open their mouths and show everyone at the table their chewed undigested food, or to tell the neighbors that (their grandfather is having an affair with a married woman.)

No this post is all about my beloved 10-year-old furbaby, who has been with me since she was a mere two months old. I got Mellie -- who I named after myself because, heck, I could! -- and over the past 10 years she has literally been my constant companion, my furry little shadow. She's endured moving vans, my work and two pregnancies wherein she'd plant herself on the couch next to me and be quite content to wait until I could manage to get up. And each night she's snuggled up in the nook of my knees slathering my toes with kisses and really she's asked for pretty much nothing in return. Just two square meals a day and that I pick up her poop.

When my kids came along, she gracefully acquiesced her top dog perch and embraced these two new humans, despite their incessant wailings, their absorption of pretty much all my attention and yes, the occasional tail pull. Unlike my kids (who don't get me wrong I love desperately) she's never screamed about what a horrible mother I am and that she'd prefer another, she's never demanded that I make her dinner and she's never decided to wander off without telling anyone (of course that could be because she's always on a leash... I probably can't put a leash on my kids… or can I?!)

Recently, I've noticed that my once exuberant pup has been slowing down. No, nothing too serious. I guess it's just the effects of her age finally rearing their ugly heads. Her gait is not as bouncy as it used to be and her eyes, which have always required several ointments a day, seem to be deteriorating as well. In dog years her real age would be 77 (every dog year is equal to one human year), and like most senior citizens, while I can still see a glimmer of that scrappiness she once exuded, those moments are fleeting and far fewer.

It scares me to think of living on this planet without this furbaby who I truly consider to be one of my kids — although not born from my loins I feel as though she was born in my heart. Sure some of my mom-friends think I'm completely cuckoo and don't get my attachment to her. They cannot comprehend why she's always in the car with me when I pick my kids up from school and that our family vacations are planned with her in mind… which means we go on far fewer excursions, unless we can bring her with us. But you dog people out there, I know you feel me and can relate to this.

I guess what she's really taught me is to appreciate every minute of the present because her time (like ours) is not infinite and so each moment is truly a gift.

Forget the books and homework, school is ALL about the snacks!

Although both of my kids seem to be getting their school groove on, I'm getting utterly beaten up in the homework department each night I slug through a solid two hours with my third grader while attempting to keep my 4-year-old (still comfortably ensconced in a school experience that includes bringing home brightly colored pictures of the letter of the day and macaroni necklaces) happily occupied. While my most pressing concerns revolve around solving third grade math problems, and reminding my son how to spell his name as the academic year gets underway, my kids' main concern is SNACK.

Sure my daughter is stressing over other issues like spelling tests and math word problems (ahh to be a third grader with such concerns -- I can't EVEN fathom), but the thoughts that seem to be of utmost concern is what type of snacks I'll be packing in their lunchboxes... code for they'd prefer something with chocolate and a crunchy texture.

Believe me I am all too aware of the dangers of childhood obesity and filling my kids' bellies with empty caloric white flour and sugary treats. However, banishing all those treats from our pantry and refusing to let them eat even a morsel of the stuff is not the answer either. Case in point: growing up I had a next door neighbor who was the stereotypical hippie -- all granola, no sugar allowed in the cupboards, "just eat kashi and love it kind of mom." I also remember her two daughters who would sneak into our house and literally inhale bowls of Froot Loops and pints of ice cream. Ultimately, denying her kids merely made them that much more ravenous for the sweet stuff.

So I'm trying VERY hard to strike a balance for my brood of two who are both easily transfixed by a bar of chocolate and would love nothing more, as my son often announces, than "to swim in a chocolate lake, like Augustus Gloob did in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," (the Gene Wilder version).

So for all you parents looking for snacks that will satisfy your kid's sweet tooth, but won't necessarily have you spending big bucks at the dentist (oh yes, have I mentioned that each of my kids has a nice mouth full of fillings?), here are some snack choices you may want to consider.

Warner Bros. Consumer Products has partnered exclusively with Safeway to offer a "better for you" eating solution for kids: the Eating Right Kids food and beverage line, featuring the beloved Looney Tunes characters. The product line features more than 60 items across 18 categories including breakfast foods, produce, portable meals, dairy, snacks, beverages and frozen entrees.

My kids actually sampled their mixed berry chewy bars with chocolate coating, 100% apple juice. The 100% juice contains no corn syrup and provides 10% RDA of calcium as well as 100% RDA of vitamin C, fruit cup and pasta rings with meatballs, and not only had no complaints but actually BEGGED for seconds.

Another one of my newest finds: Chef Jay's Food Products. These cleverly disguised, cookies and candy bars taste just like that except-they're packed with protein. So for skinny little kids like my 4-year-old for whom getting protein into his little body is no easy feat, these snacks provide the best of both worlds. Their "Lite Bites" cookies come in flavors like double chocolate chip, and taste like a cookie, but have 6 grams of protein and only 80 calories, 2g fat and 4g sugar per cookie.

Of course the old standbys like, baby carrots, peeled apple slices, bananas and grapes still remain a staple in their lunchboxes, but at the very least with these sweet snacks in tow, they're not sneaking into my neighbor's house begging for candy!

To After-School Or Not, That Is The Question!

A few months ago, I spoke very candidly to a CNN crew who offered to hang out at my house and shoot some video of me extolling the virtues about my decision NOT to enroll my kids in any afterschool activities. They shot some footage of me leisurely helping my daughter with her homework (as opposed to us in a mad dash to change from their school clothes into their karate/ballet clothes in the backseat of our car), while my son was intent on making sure the cameraman got a shot of each and every last action figure in his toy chest. I claimed the stress of having to get back and forth to their various activities had me climbing out of my skin, feeling like a chauffeur for hire, except rather than getting a nice wad of cash all I gained was a penchant for popping Tums.

Well parents, I've learned it's probably not a wise thing to go ON camera and claim ANYTHING, because I am eating my words as I type this… today in my Kids in the City column, I feature several great after school activities that parents can participate in with their kids—and I've become one of those parents who is biting the bullet and fully entrenched in the after-school activities shuffle. My son has happily taken a spot alongside his instructor and getting his karate on twice a week, and my daughter's taking ballet and hip hop lessons twice a week as well. And yet this year, after-school continues to be a mad dash to get to our scheduled activities, get homework done, dinner showers and then bedtime.

So what brought on this change of heart? To be honest, last year, my son was barely 4 years old, and still pretty content to play with his Legos after school while my daughter was just finding her homework groove. We tried to do a bunch of after-school things and failed miserably, so I pulled the plug on all, but one of her activities and spent the better part of the year trying to get a handle on navigating the time management skills that would work best for us.

So what's the verdict on this year's after-school schedule? Well mommies, I will not sugar coat it for you: it's grueling and I have lost my temper once or twice, especially when my daughter forgot to pack her jazz shoes, even though I reminded her a handful of times to get them ready the night before. And although my son has had his inaugural very public meltdown at his Karate school, (you know the kind where all the other parents are glaring at you with their disapproving looks type of tantrum) because I left the studio while he was in class to sit in the car with my daughter and help get her homework done, I still I feel these are all just minor hiccups.

Watching my kids take such pride in their newfound skills and abilities has been the sweetest of returns on my time and monetary investment in these activities, and my son has promised that he will use his newfound martial arts skills to defend our family's honor… really what more could I ask for?!