New York Local News

By Tara Lipinsky, wcbstv.com
NEW YORK (CBS) ― Hey, it's that time of the week again, when the gossip mags have hit the racks and our daily commute is made so much sweeter.

Has hell frozen over? Paris has decided not to act dumb anymore, Nicole Richie may soon be a mother, and Jennifer Aniston donned more glossy covers this week than Brangelina.

*Aniston has reportedly been seen skulking around hotels with Paul Sculfor, a model who according to Star, allegedly, "underwent six months of intensive treatment for cocaine addiction in 2004. He's notorious for being a serial womanizer and a love cheat, and he's a wannabe actor who could easily be using Jen to open the door to bigger fame."

I know good men are hard to find, but if Jen is reduced to dating men of this caliber, is there any hope out there for the rest of us? He sounds like a better match for Lindsay Lohan, but he does make Jen more interesting.

In other Aniston news, OK! Magazine says Jen is ready to adopt a baby and has already started the process.

What a combination. It sounds like she has finally gotten her life together following her breakup with Brad.

*By the way, I am happy to report Brad and Angie, who were miserable together according to last week's mags, are thrilled to be together this week.

*Could someone let me know if Vegas is already taking bets on just how long Eva Longoria's marriage to Tony Parker will last?

*Why is Jenny McCarthy swimming with her dress on?

I know she's like nine months pregnant, but Julia Roberts is huge. Are you sure she's not having twins again? My suggestion, go stand next to Salma Hayek immediately and at all times. That woman is the largest pregnant woman I've ever seen! She looks like a flotation device, or a pinata. Oooh, oooh ... I know ... a balloon!

I bet if you poked her with a pin, she would sputter really loudly and would start flying away uncontrollably. Fly away Salma, Fly away!

*Speaking of pregnancy, please everyone out there who is the least bit religious get on their knees and pray to God that neither Nicole Richie or Shar Jackson are pregnant.

I can't believe I'm hoping Nic's bump is caused by malnutrition, but, really, the alternative will be disastrous. The tabs already have one Britney Spears.

And while I don't feel badly for Jackson, has no one introduced K-Fed to a condom? Kevin meet Trojan. I mean really.

*Do you know how fans of the CBS show Jericho protested its cancellation? They sent tons of nuts to the network and -- voila! -- it was picked up for a few more episodes.

*Maybe we should do something similar for Fed-Ex. You know, if everyone that reads this could spare just one package of condoms, we could dump them on his front door. Think of how good you would feel knowing you prevented another Federline child from being conceived. I mean, do we really need any more of this man's offspring running around Hollywood?

*Meanwhile, Us Magazine boasts an exclusive interview with Britney's mom, Lynn. In this gripping interview, (read: boring) the mom-of-three calls her eldest pop tart, "The sweetest and the most sensitive and loving of all my children." Wow! That's frightening. My advice to Momma Spears: DO NOT LET YOUR OTHER KIDS LEAVE THE HOUSE. EVER!!!!

An insider also tells Us that Britney hasn't had a drink since she left rehab.

Oh, but how quickly things can change.
Britney Off the Wagon?

*Other gin-faced sightings: Jesse Metcalf fresh out of Promises rehab facility allegedly drinking apple martinis at a club and drinking beer at a John Mayer concert. Check out his pie-eyed pic in In Touch Magazine (pg. 53). And Jesse, we can't blame you for tossing a few back at the Mayer concert.

*And a "stumbling" Ashlee Simpson was reportedly seen at her boyfriend's birthday bash where a source claims "during most of the night, she sat in their booth with her head hanging down and ignoring everyone."

In my world we call that passed out, not ignoring. But, I guess I'm not as nice as everyone else. The best part? It was all caught by an eagle-eyed photog. Check out the pic (Star pg. 18).

*Can someone tell Ok! we don't care about Trista and Ryan or their reality TV show spawn? Does anyone even know who I am talking about?

*By the way, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have absolutely nothing going on with their careers, so they showed up at the Puerto Rican Day Parade.

*Lindsay Lohan told L.A. Confidential Magazine, "I live my live the way I want to live it and I don't let other people get me down. I'm very strong willed." No Kidding! Former bodyguard Lee Weaver told a British Newspaper "he saw her snort mountains of cocaine (especially with Nicole Richie), attack an armed drug dealer, indulge in wild lesbian romps and slash herself."

Ah, good times, good times.

Lohan, probably frustrated by the reminder she doesn't have access to good drugs while locked up in rehab, fought back on her secret MySpace Page:

"A former friend, one who was supposed to protect me, instead did the opposite and ran to some British tabloid to get a couple dollars. He's stolen cameras/memory cards, panties, jewelry & even money. He's a con artist and that's the reason he was fired last year. He will be held responsable for the false stories & recent pictures he's been circulating everywhere."

Um, OK, call me crazy, but don't you still think the bodyguard is telling the truth?

Could someone let me know if Vegas is already taking bets on just how long it will take Lindsay to drink after she leaves rehab?

*Life & Style claims "Paris' Mystery Illness Revealed!" But, it's not really an illness per se. It's a condition I like to call "spoiled rotten" and it's definitely not a mystery Paris suffers from it.

But really, she's very SICK. Unlike most prisoners, she's allegedly suffering withdrawal from several "medications," she is very scared, not sleeping very well, claustrophobic, depressed, doesn't like the food, and can't stop crying.

I hope she gets well again, so she can join all the other girls who are enjoying their time in the pokey.

And despite her "illness" she is no longer getting special treatment.

She's now in a hospital room instead of a cell. Her family and friends don't have to wait on a four-hour line to visit her. She's planning a huge "get of jail" soiree in Vegas, and the celebutard is making collect calls to Barbara Walters.

Ya know, just like everyone else.

*I'm happy to hear Isaiah Washington is "mad as hell" he got fired from Grey's Anatomy. I'm sure T.R. Knight was also mad as hell, when Isaiah called him a faggot and outed him.

*In Touch features an article called "Fame Didn't Tear Them Apart," which focuses on couples in the biz who are still together for many years. It should have been called "Stars Whose Fame Is Going To Tear Them Apart Any Day Now."

*Things I do not want to ever see again, under any circumstances: Kathy Griffin dropping trough (Star pg 38), 16-year old Keisha Castle-Hughes and her newborn baby and Us Weekly's very disturbing article called "What If They Dated Their Own Age? It cannot be explained, you must trust me and see for yourself.

* Star asks Is Antonio Cheating On Melanie? The real question should be, why did it take so long for Antonio to cheat on Melanie? Or, let's just go ahead with why did Antonio marry Melanie to begin with?

*Some of this week's other articles I didn't read because I had no interest:
Life & Style "Are They Obsessed With Plastic Surgery?" YES.
In Touch "Is Cameron Heading For Heartbreak Again?" Probably.
OK! Weekly"Eminem & Mariah Face Off" Who?
OK! WeeklyKelly Clarkson: "I'd Rather Be Naked." I'd rather you not be.

*Quote of the week: "My parents taught me not to be an idiot or drink or wear no underwear." -- Jennie Garth to OK! Magazine Amen sister. But then we wouldn't have anything to gossip about!

I can't wait to see the trash they throw out there next week.

June 6: Gossip Weekly Rag Mag Wrap-Up

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