Apr 10, 2009 7:08 pm US/Eastern
Study: Marital Bliss Much Tougher When Kids Arrive
90 Percent Of Couples Experienced Decrease in Marital Satisfaction After Birth Of 1st Child
Reporting
Cindy Hsu
NEW YORK (CBS) ―
While children can be the joy of your life, a new study finds they can also be tough on your marriage.
Expert advice can help you learn how to keep things in balance if you're married with children.
Esther is a little over 2 years old and the center of her parents' world.
"Little babies, they do steal away the couple side of things, and you're just so tired that you're actually just getting through each day," Esther's mother, Anna Rayner, says. "You don't have a lot of time to think about you and your partner as a unit."
A new study followed hundreds of couples for eight years, and found that 90 percent experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction after the first child was born.
"All the attention they had for one another, towards one another, gets shifted to that new baby," psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere says. "All that energy goes there, and it really deflates a lot of the romance the parents used to have."
Dr. Gardere says it's important to schedule dates with your partner on a regular basis, and create a no-child zone, where you talk about your own issues that are not centered around the kids.
Richard Noritake says that when Umi was born, he and his wife made sure they still went out, and even planned vacations on their own.
"There's us as man and wife, us together – what we share together and things we like to do as adults – and then there's family time," Noritake says.
He says striking that balance has been key to keeping the marriage strong.
Dr. Gardere says another key is to make sure both parents pitch in.
"I think parents should look at parenting together – it shouldn't just be the mom's job," Dr. Gardere says. "This way, they can share the responsibility and still have enough energy left for one another."
Dr. Gardere says it's a good idea to set some ground rules before your baby's born. If you're proactive about how you're going to get some alone time with your partner, he says it'll help keep your relationship strong.
The study also found some couples reported a stronger relationship after they had kids.
These couples tended to have been married for several years before having children.
(© MMIX, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
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